Friday, July 29, 2011

Eventually it will be the end of me

Though I took a break today, I am far from being relaxed. Actually, I'm dying here. I can't take this anymore. And the worst part is, I have no one to blame but myself. All the things I've been putting off is and has started to catch up with me. I'm paying the price for procrastinating on my responsibilities. One of which is our feasibility project for physics. What I thought would be a mere submission of our title turned out to be a long debate for him not to scrap our proposal. And since I did not see this coming, I had no concrete research to back us up. Now I'm in such a mess. I keep running away from it all only to end up face to face with my problems, my self-made chaos.  I'm letting every one down these days.  But what's worst is me being unable to trust God with all of this. What happened to my relationship with Him? When did I turn to distant and self-righteous? I don't know what to do anymore. And I have nothing but this blog to take it all out on. 

and after I post this, I have to continue faking smiles and pretending I'm all right

Sunday, July 24, 2011


When I saw you were online, my heart skipped a beat. I can't believe I'm falling into this again. This whole  thing where all the teasing gets to me and then I start craving for the attention, your attention. But when I do get it, I find it a nuisance to my life. Ha-ha. Is it so wrong to like the affection I'm getting and not on the one giving it? It could be because my crush is in another section and crush and I don't really get to hang out often anymore. And crush (as great as he is) doesn't flirt with me like you...Does this even make sense???

But I know all your flirting is nothing serious. At least I hope it isn't.  I just hope I don't regret riding with it.   Dude, I can't have time for this, I have a pile of schoolwork waiting for my attention...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

On the verge

When I arrived home today, I suddenly felt the weight crashing down. The pressure from all the school work, me being a horrible mayor, all the reprimanding, my friends being down, the projects, the shit PLUS my mom being in a pissy mood made the dam close to collapsing. I decided to hold the waterworks until the family left for dinner. I stayed home. I was in no mood for mingling and laughing. I just wanted to be left alone and sulk...and cry it all out.

But before all that, I decided to be obedient and feed my hunger. And well, after all the random nonsense with the helpers and listening to some music, I feel better. As much as I want to let it all out, the tears arent resurfacing anymore. Though I'm not totally fine and my emotions still feel like a roller coaster ride, I will get through this.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Look who's back?

It's weird how we go back to the place where we started. I guess it's just the comfort of it all, that nostalgic feeling. I left my blogspot to move to Tumblr (which is something I have no regrets what so ever)  but lately, too many people have been dropping by there...those that know me in real life. And well, it sort of took away the security I had.  Pretty awkward to post higly-personal shit things there only to be read by the very people I see everyday. So here I am, escaping to this more-secluded place.A place for the more serious stuffs.  And you can bet only the trusted and few will know. Or maybe no one at all ...