Eventually it will be the end of me

Though I took a break today, I am far from being relaxed. Actually, I'm dying here. I can't take this anymore. And the worst part is, I have no one to blame but myself. All the things I've been putting off is and has started to catch up with me. I'm paying the price for procrastinating on my responsibilities. One of which is our feasibility project for physics. What I thought would be a mere submission of our title turned out to be a long debate for him not to scrap our proposal. And since I did not see this coming, I had no concrete research to back us up. Now I'm in such a mess. I keep running away from it all only to end up face to face with my problems, my self-made chaos.  I'm letting every one down these days.  But what's worst is me being unable to trust God with all of this. What happened to my relationship with Him? When did I turn to distant and self-righteous? I don't know what to do anymore. And I have nothing but this blog to take it all out on. 


and after I post this, I have to continue faking smiles and pretending I'm all right